Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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