I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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