you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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