Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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