So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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