she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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