Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
