Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
