Got a toothbrush?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
