I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
