i permit you to call me
Non-Jews are for practice
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
