Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
