i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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