i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize