The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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