After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
