ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
