I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
