I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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