I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize