the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
