It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
