C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
