so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize