I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
