Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
