I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
