just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
