i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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