I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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