You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
