Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
