Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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