White coat. Heels.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
