Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
