Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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