I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
