So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Drunk is a universal language darling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize