Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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