he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
