take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
