Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
