Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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