i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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