Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize