so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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