Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
