I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
