i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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