You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
