just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
