i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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