Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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