Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize