Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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