i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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