im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
