I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize