Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im holly from the hills drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
