If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
