The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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