You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
