Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think people are normalizing furries
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
