can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's never too late to be topless.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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