dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
