i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
two words: eviction party
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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