Can i not drive my cunt home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
