so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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