Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
