yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize