names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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