I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
