She's like a pop up book from hell.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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