Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
