Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
