um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
