I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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