We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
