Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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