I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
