Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
