I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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