You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize