she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
