Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
