I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
