apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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