I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
