Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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