This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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