we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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