Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
