Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
