can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
