The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
