God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
