Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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