she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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