Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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