The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
