Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize