I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
