I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
