girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
